Dear Dr. Boli: After watching some old movie serials over the past week, I’ve decided that Emperor of the Universe sounds like the job for me. But how should I go about getting it? —Sincerely, Winthrop M. Sallow, a.k.a. Ming II.

Dear Sir: The universe is quite a responsibility for a young man to deal with. Are you positively certain that you are ready to take it on? Remember that the costs associated with maintaining a working universe are quite high. The expense of keeping up a single galaxy is, for lack of a better word, astronomical. Then you will also have to deal with dark matter, and after a few encounters with it you will realize that no substance has ever better deserved the adjective “pesky.” Perhaps you should work your way up to Emperor of the Universe by easy stages. You might, for example, set your sights on becoming president of your local philatelic society, and then see where that leads.


  1. Greybeard says:

    Wasn’t it Zaphod Beeblebrox who said that anyone who wanted to be emperor of the universe was disqualified for the position. He only attained it by sealing off the portion of his brain that wanted it.

    • Ranuel says:

      I believe you will find that that was the _Presidency_ and as we know presidents of any government are only hindered by the possession of all their faculties.

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