MISS WANDA PAYLE has successfully cornered the market on wind-up novelty pencil boxes, causing global prices of that commodity to rise an estimated 14%.

Police in Homestead have appealed to the public for help in identifying the gang of three masked men who broke into an empty storefront on Eighth Avenue late last night and set up a harpsichord shop.

The Burgerette Drive-Thru Inn of Sparse, Oklahoma, was struck by two tornadoes in the same afternoon. The first tornado knocked the structure off its foundation, but the second put it back.

A gang of sparrows rolled themselves in glitter and broke into the National Aviary, where they lived the life of Riley for at least a week before being detected and expelled.

Internet security experts announced that more than 83% of the bad spelling on the World-Wide Web occurs in proximity to photographs of cats. No satisfactory explanation has been offered for this phenomenon, but susceptible individuals are warned to look up pictures of flowers or something instead.