MISS UNA CORDA, the notoriously shy concert pianist, has finished her recording of the entire Beethoven sonata cycle. The digital recordings are being kept on archival optical discs at an undisclosed location, and will be released to the public one hundred years after Miss Corda’s death.

Reliable industry sources inform us that production of the remake of Cocteau’s Le sang d’un poète, the hoped-for Eddie Murphy comeback vehicle, has been placed on indefinite hiatus, leaving the Bob’s Burger Yurt chain with more than five million promotional talking novelty hands in warehouses waiting to ship.

The Great Blando has been released on parole and is staying at a relative’s apartment. Under the conditions of his parole, he is required to juggle three electronic monitors whenever he leaves the building.

Miss Diana Smoulder, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy, is said to be “very good friends” with Albert Cardoon, whose matinee-idol good looks catapulted him to Harrisburg as state representative from the 304th District.

Bozar the Clown has been arrested on charges of vandalism. City police suspect him of being the Molding Maniac, the mysterious vandal who broke into several International-style office buildings on successive nights and defaced the interiors with egg-and-dart molding.