IN SPITE OF improved economic conditions, some of Dr. Boli’s readers are, alas, struggling to find employment. In order to give these readers a competitive edge (for Dr. Boli prizes nothing so much as the happiness of his readers), Dr. Boli offers these suggestions for answers that are sure to impress prospective employers at job interviews.
Why did you leave your previous job?
Once I heard about your company, I realized that the company I had been working for was a sad, worthless husk of a business compared to yours.
How do you handle stress?
Working harder is the infallible cure for stress.
What do you think is your greatest flaw?
My single-minded enthusiasm for the task I’ve been assigned. It tends to shame other employees into working harder, and I’m sure their families must suffer.
If you were sure that your boss was completely wrong about something, what would you do?
I have never known a supervisor to be wrong about anything. I don’t believe the issue ever really comes up.
When was the last time you were angry, and what made you angry?
It was August 23, 1984, when Tommy Madigan dipped my girlfriend’s curls in his inkwell. (I went to a very traditional school.)
What are you really passionate about?
Whatever my supervisor tells me to be passionate about. There’s no use being passionate about anything else, is there?
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
I would be the kind of pear tree that bears enormous pears wrapped in gold foil for the luxury gift market.
What would you like to be doing in five years?
Well, your job looks pretty good.