DR. BOLI’S COMPREHENSIVE HERBAL.

No. 21 in a Series of 253,486.

CORSAGE ORCHID (Cattleya sp.). The common corsage orchid or Cattleya is the result of a dangerous experiment involving a jonquil and a high dose of lysergic acid diethylamide. The hallucinogenic results of this experiment were found to be fertile, and a floral industry was born.

Orchid corsages are especially popular for “senior proms” and similar mating rituals. Some young men, having heard of the origin of the Cattleya, understandably worry about possibly hallucinogenic effects on their prom dates. There is no need for concern, however, as the latest research shows a less than 15% chance that a Cattleya corsage will turn your date into a slobbering murderous madwoman. Indeed, there are so many other influences that might have the same effect that it is difficult for scientists to determine which murderous rampages are caused directly by the Cattleya, and which by an insufficiently expensive tuxedo or a limousine three feet too short. Dr. Boli’s advice (which is sponsored by the American Florists’ Society) is to go ahead and buy the corsage. Just make sure you spend enough money on it.

Astrologically, the Cattleya is governed by those three giant glowing balls of fire in the sky that follow you wherever you go.