AUDITIONS WILL BE held this Saturday for contestants in a new Dumont reality show to be titled America’s Next Reality-Show Contestant. According to Mr. Sid Pandarus, Dumont’s Director of Programming, the show, planned for next season, will feature twenty-six “real people” competing for one prize. The last contestant standing will win the chance to compete on a Dumont reality show the season after next. Producers are looking for a type of contestant described as “attractive, hysterically emotional, and not too bright.” If you think you fit this description, and are prepared to sign a legally binding agreement waiving your dignity, come to Memorial Hall this Saturday at 1 p.m.