THE DUMONT NETWORK announces a world exclusive event at 8 p.m. tonight: the first network television broadcast in 4D. Tonight’s very special episode of Harsh Words, the hit Dumont drama that pairs a by-the-book cop with a cold but beautiful forensic etymologist, will not only include three-dimensional photography (visible with the special 3D glasses available at all Food Festival supermarkets), but will take place in time as well. This revolutionary four-dimensional process allows a plot to unfold from beginning to end, one event after another, just as if it were happening in your own living room.

Caution: Viewers are strongly advised to make sure they have no appointments scheduled before 9 p.m., since, by means of the revolutionary Dumont 4D broadcasting process, they will be projected forward in time by one hour during the course of the program.


  1. Jared says:

    These modern technological marvels have their place, I suppose, but I admit a certain nostalgia for the one-dimensional radio plays of the Mutual Broadcasting System.

    As they say, moreover, everything old is new again: in the 1960s, a certain Mr. Serling experimented with adding dimensions to his Columbia television anthology, enjoying some measure of success with the innovation. The additional dimension never caught on with other programs, however, and one suspects that DuMont, too, will learn that the novelty wears off, as the typical consumer of scripted drama has no desire to waste actual time in front of a television set, and would be aghast at the idleness and indolence bound up in being carried passively forward through time as the programming unfolds.

  2. Bjorn Bjornson says:

    Wow. That kookie zany Jared. How many Jareds does it take to change a light bulb? 500. One to change the bulb and 499 to talk about how great it was living in the dark.

  3. My husband and I went to the National World War Two Museum in New Orleans over the weekend. Their “Beyond All Boundaries” movie is described on the posters as ” a unique and powerful 4-D cinematic experience”. We decided that meant the theater was indeed a time machine: step inside for 45 minutes, and when you emerge, you are 45 minutes in the future. Felt the same, though.

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