BOZAR THE CLOWN and Teenie Sparkle are in custody today after an altercation on the set of Miss Sparkle’s popular children’s television program, Sparkle Park. According to police reports and the accounts of several thousand viewers, Miss Sparkle had just signed off with her trademark closing line, “And remember, children, it’s not what you are, it’s who you are,” when Bozar, who had been the day’s celebrity guest for a segment on the sculpture of Daniel Chester French, asserted that it was not who you are, but what you are. The disagreement quickly escalated, and police were summoned. Children who were in the studio audience are being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder as a precautionary measure.