MISS DIANA SMOULDER, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy, was seen and heard having a lively argument with longtime companion Albert Cardoon, whose matinee-idol good looks catapulted him to Harrisburg as a state representative last year. The subject of their dispute was not immediately known, except that, according to witnesses, Miss Smoulder objected to Rep. Cardoon’s use of the phrase “rusty hinge” in some context.

Eccentric rap artist MC II Kule released a new album called Trapped in a Glass Box last night at the Rex Theater. The album consists entirely of songs in Mr. Kule’s new “Mime Rap” style, in which gestures and facial expressions take the place of lyrics. The album will also be available for download as MP3 files.

Poet and novelist Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle was at a book signing in Monroeville yesterday when the pen slipped out of his fingers, fell on the floor, and rolled right under the table. He said it was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life, and he ought to write a book about it, humor being the one genre he has not attempted yet.

Twice-divorced reality-TV breakout star Brandy Schnifter is tying the knot again. Her new fiance is currently employed as a department-store mannequin in the men’s department at Rosenbaum’s. Friends say Miss Schnifter has told them that at last she has found the perfect man.