MISS UNA CORDA, the notoriously shy concert pianist, gave her first recital in months last night at Heptagon Gardens. She performed Liszt’s transcription of Berlioz’ Symphonie Fantastique on a Yamaha digital grand piano with the headphones plugged in.

Rap-jazz fusion artist Felonious Thelonious wowed guests at his album-release party with an impromptu rap in 5/4 time. According to sources at the party, no one understood what Felonious said, but all the guests declared themselves deeply moved.

Miss Diana Smoulder, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy, was the subject of committee hearings in the commonwealth House of Representatives this morning. Her constant companion, state representative Albert Cardoon, is under investigation for allegedly having spent money earmarked for mass transit on strings and resin.

Bozar the Clown is still in the hospital tonight, and more details have emerged about the incident. According to witnesses, he had been turning off television screens in Big Jake’s Sports Bar on McKnight Road during a Penguins game. A hospital spokesman said that Bozar was in serious but stable condition.

Broken Spindle Studios announced yesterday that filming of the first Captain Pleonasm feature has been resumed after a ten-month delay occasioned by a dispute with star Theodore Naphtha. Naptha, a classically trained Shakespearean actor, had objected to some revisions in the script and demanded additional “stupid pay” before he would speak the lines. The studio finally determined that filming could continue without the star, who will be replaced in the finished picture by a digital effect.