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Experiment 1.

Hold a banana in your hand about four feet above the floor. Let go of the banana. What happens to the banana? Does it hit the floor?

Now hold another banana in your hand about an inch above a wooden table. Let go of the banana. What happens to the banana? Does it hit the floor?

What this experiment proves: Wood has antigravitational properties.

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Experiment 2.

Pour some water into a glass. What happens to the water? Does it stay in the glass?

Now turn the glass upside-down. What happens to the water? Does it stay in the glass?

What this experiment proves: Glass is a capricious substance and is not to be trusted.

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Experiment 3.

Dial 9-1-1, ask for the paramedics, and tell them you think you are having a heart attack. Time how long it takes them to arrive.

Now dial 9-1-1, ask for the paramedics, and tell them you have a mild cold. Time how long it takes them to arrive.

What this experiment proves: Your local paramedics are lazy, inefficient, and judgmental.

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Experiment 4.

Soak an old shirt in kerosene. Is the shirt on fire?

Now touch a lighted match to the kerosene-soaked shirt. Is the shirt on fire?

What this experiment proves: You should always have a fire extinguisher handy when you are performing science experiments at home. Also, you probably should not have annoyed the paramedics in Experiment 3.