NEW GAME RATINGS.

IN HONOR OF the fifth anniversary of his celebrated Magazine on the World-Wide Web, Dr. Boli is reprinting some favorite articles and advertisements from the past five years.

PARENTS! FAMILIARIZE YOURSELVES with the new rating system for computer games. It’s designed to put you in control of what you allow your children to experience.

This game is designed to educate as well as entertain. If it is bought, it will probably never be installed; if installed, it will probably never be played; if played, it will certainly never be played again.

This game is one of the infinite number of slight variations on the ancient Chinese game of Mah Jongg, with a few animations thrown in in a feeble attempt to make it seem new and interesting.

Characters use mild language, invariably addressing one another with politeness and civility. Such games may badly distort a child’s view of the real world.

You have to kill identical trolls in exactly the same way about four hundred thousand times to get to the next level.

Game play involves activities normally associated with minimum-wage jobs, such as flipping burgers or maintaining the grounds of a country club. Some studies suggest that such games are behind a sharp rise in teenage suicide rates.

Minor characters and villains are offensive ethnic stereotypes.

The game abounds in locked doors that open when you solve a puzzle.

Installing the game without crashing Windows is the most challenging part of game play.

No matter how careful you are with the installation, the game will not run. It is therefore suitable for all ages.