Trained liturgiologists are always in demand, and qualified candidates can virtually name their own price. Congregations require a constant succession of new liturgical music and texts to keep them on their toes. Now you can learn liturgiology at home with our new Accelerated Home-Study Program. All you need is a few hours a week and an acoustic guitar. Nearly anyone can be a board-certified liturgiologist, the only absolute disqualifications being good taste and a sense of rhythm. Send for our free pamphlet, “The Last Refuge of the Untalented,” and get started on your lucrative new career today. Duck Hollow University College of Liturgiological Studies, Distance-Learning Department.


  1. Jeannine says:

    Founder: Marty Haugen.

  2. Clay Potts says:

    I suppose the most accomplished will graduate Summa cum ba yah?

  3. Sean says:

    I assumed, based on the newer Lutheran and Catholic settings at least, that all modern liturgiologists were brain-damaged ferrets who had more cocaine than blood in their blood and that the one requirement for their settings was that they be absolutely impossible for a person of average talent to sing.

  4. Jared says:

    If only it ended with Haugen. As a Protestant, I’m forced to admit that some of the settings in Haugen’s “Mass of Creation” and partial psalter seem almost stately when contrasted with what passes for music in some evangelical circles.

    But whether Catholic or Protestant, when every great classical composer has done at least one setting of the mass, and when the Reformation spawned such powerful hymnody, it’s sad to see it all displaced by such trite pieces as commend themselves to the abilities of graduates of the Duck Hollow University College of Liturgiological Studies, Distance-Learning Department.

  5. Special guest lecture series from David Haas?

  6. Jeffery Dean says:

    Haugen-Haas: the nastiest ice cream you’ve ever tasted. With little bits of Schutte mixed in.

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