To: All Employees
From: The President
Re: Election Day
My fellow employees:
All of us here at the Schenectady Small Arms & Biscuit Co. have our various duties. There are the sales representatives, whose duty is to make sure all our purchasers have a pleasant experience. There are our accounting wizards, whose duty is to be ever vigilant so that that not a penny is lost from the ledger. There is the receptionist, whose duty is to see to it that anyone who calls on the telephone is directed to Vaclav in Customer Service, so that Vaclav can practice his English. There is that guy who watches the coffee machine all day—I’m not sure whether he was hired to do that, but anyway you get the idea.
But there is one duty we all share, and that is to be good citizens of this great country of ours. That’s why I’m delighted to announce a new employee benefit program that will actually reward our Team Members for serving their country. It’s simple: all you have to do is go out and vote on Election Day, and you’ll see a bonus in your next paycheck. We’re even making sure you have time to vote, and there will be a chartered motor coach in front of the building at 10 a.m. to take you to the polls.
This program is being implemented through an innovative partnership with the Vot-O-Mat Corporation, makers of the electronic voting machines used in our fair Commonwealth. Through this partnership, we’ll be able to know exactly which of our employees voted on Election Day. Even more exciting, we’ll be able to know which employees voted in the best interests of our beloved country and which ones were filthy traitors who voted against everything true patriots hold sacred, so that we can determine exactly how to distribute the appropriate rewards.
So don’t forget to do your duty for the country you love. And don’t forget to mark the time you spend voting as “vacation” on your time sheet.
With Warmest Regards,
J. Rutherford Pinckney, President.