Dear Dr. Boli: It is nearly midnight on January 1 in my time zone, and I have not yet come up with any New Year’s resolutions. Do you think you could help me out? —Sincerely, Unresolved.

Dear Sir or Madam: With pleasure.

You resolve not to place any televisions in public places where they cannot be avoided.

You resolve not to double-park in front of the pizza joint and pretend you can’t hear the clang-clang-clang of the streetcar trying to get by—a streetcar that may in fact be carrying a desperate passenger downtown on a vital tea run.

You resolve not to stage a dramatic breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend via cell phone while you are riding on the streetcar.

You resolve to learn Lithuanian, because it is a fascinating language that preserves many primitive features that have been lost in other modern members of the Indo-European family.

If you happen to be running a tea dealership, you resolve to keep a larger stock of Yunnan on hand at all times, so that there will be no shortage in case of emergency.

You resolve to read this Magazine every day and await the coded instructions that will tell you where you should be and what you must do when the revolution begins.