IN THE NEWS.

Strong objections were registered yesterday by Israeli, Arab, Pakistani, Indonesian, Malaysian, and Iranian delegates as the UN prepared to vote on a resolution defining bacon as a basic human right. In emergency conferences, the various Islamic nations quickly negotiated peace agreements with Israel in order to cooperate in fighting the common danger. Later in the day, the UN General Assembly rejected the proposal by a margin of more than two to one, and celebratory wars broke out all over the Middle East.

Meanwhile, bacon-demanding crowds in Pyongyang deposed the government of Kim Jong-un and set up a parliamentary republic dominated by a coalition of dissidents calling themselves the BLT Party; but according to government radio the participants in the short-lived experiment all surrendered voluntarily and have been successfully reeducated, joining the Reformed Class Enemies Choir in a stirring performance of “No Motherland Without You” that brought tears to the eyes of the Supreme Leader and earned the performers two beans each with their evening rice.

Comments

  1. Clay Potts says:

    Two more glaring examples of the far reaching political consequences of man’s interminable need to “pig out”….

  2. Sounds like this whole kerfluffle could be solved by just getting everyone to hold hands and sing Tim Minchin’s “Peace Anthem For Palestine”. Look it up on youtube yourself, the blog software here doesn’t like it when I try to post links.

  3. Clay Potts says:

    Also in the News:

    The CDC announced this week that the nation faces a shortage of flu vaccines, largely because this years supply of Influenza is currently at an all time record high, due to a warmer than anticipated 2011-12 Winter season.

    However, they urge consumers not to suffer undue panic, as they point out that the bright side of this over-supply is that influenza ownership has never been more affordable since as far back as 1953, and in most instances, well qualified buyers can expect to be fully into their new influenza at current incubation rates of approximately three to five days from date of purchase. Authorities are quite certain that the Center’s newly adopted “free market approach” to infectious decease will more than ensure a rapid stabilization of influenza supply to pre-2011 levels, perhaps as early as March 2013, and that the market will necessarily correct itself, thus greatly reducing the increased pressure on the vaccine industry to meet current demand.

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