Strong objections were registered yesterday by Israeli, Arab, Pakistani, Indonesian, Malaysian, and Iranian delegates as the UN prepared to vote on a resolution defining bacon as a basic human right. In emergency conferences, the various Islamic nations quickly negotiated peace agreements with Israel in order to cooperate in fighting the common danger. Later in the day, the UN General Assembly rejected the proposal by a margin of more than two to one, and celebratory wars broke out all over the Middle East.
Meanwhile, bacon-demanding crowds in Pyongyang deposed the government of Kim Jong-un and set up a parliamentary republic dominated by a coalition of dissidents calling themselves the BLT Party; but according to government radio the participants in the short-lived experiment all surrendered voluntarily and have been successfully reeducated, joining the Reformed Class Enemies Choir in a stirring performance of “No Motherland Without You” that brought tears to the eyes of the Supreme Leader and earned the performers two beans each with their evening rice.