Quasar (Jan. 12—Mar. 45).—Don’t worry about the warning that says “SERVICE TIRE SYSTEM SOON.” You can get a pressure gauge at the dollar store, and that’s all the tire system you need.
Neutron Star (St. Whitmund’s Day).—When you leave the house tomorrow morning, you will find film crews from all five local network affiliates waiting to interview you. Ignore them, but keep a sharp eye on your neighbor across the street.
Blue Straggler (Jun. 2, 8:17 p.m.).—You may find yourself attracted to a tall, dark stranger with a mysterious past this week. The question you have to ask yourself is what he’s really hiding about his job with the cable company.
Soft Gamma Repeater (every other Tuesday).—Things are looking up for real-estate transactions after tomorrow’s mudslide puts you in a much more desirable neighborhood.
Pulsar (Sep. 15—Jan. 11).—You might consider going to the post office and replacing your picture on the wall with a more flattering image that makes the most of your new hairstyle.
Red Giant (Arbor Day).—You might productively spend a good bit of tomorrow doing research on a topic that interests you, but what will your boss think when she looks at your browser history?
Protoplanetary Nebula (Aug. 3, 1957).—You have turned to the astrology column as your daily guide for most of your life. Now is the time to take an astrologer out to dinner at that French place in Shadyside. Contact Nergal-Sharezer the Rabmag in care of this publication.