In sweeping up after the recent conclave, the Pontifical Department of Sanitation has come across a number of items that appear to have been left behind inadvertently. They may be claimed at the Pontifical Department of Lost and Found whenever Cardinal Bertolli is at his desk.

Three commemorative Nerf brand foam baseball bats with the legend “Vatican Conclave 2013” printed on them.

A “Super Secret Spy Pen” brand video-recording device.

A bottle of cheap Australian port.

A pajama shirt, size adult medium, with little pictures of racing cars on it.

A book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.

A large crate of commemorative medals bearing the face of Cardinal Arthur Duncan and the legend “ARTORIUS I PONT MAX MMXIII.”

An elderly German gentleman who gives his name as “Benedict XVI” and remained unclaimed when the last bus left for Fiumicino.