Sir: I recently received notice from my natural-gas supplier that the company has petitioned the Public Utilities Commission for permission to lower my rates for natural gas.

Frankly, I am appalled. Have we completely forgotten the capitalist values that made our country great? When a company finds a way to cut costs, is it proper to pass that savings on to the consumer? By no means! We are not living in North Korea. This is the United States of America, and the proper way to spend any money saved is on executive bonuses. If there is any left over, it may be spent on advertisements with some catchy slogan about passing the savings on to the consumer. But the money is certainly not to be handed over to all and sundry willy-nilly! The very idea strikes at the heart of our capitalist faith.

Fortunately, we the faithful are not left without recourse. A wise provision of Commonwealth law requires utility companies to notify us of our right to protest their dangerous and unpatriotic rate decreases. (I have enclosed an example of the notification sent by the gas company, which tried to conceal it by folding it in with the bill.)

I call on all right-thinking consumers to lodge vigorous protests with the public Utilities Commission. Let your voices be heard. Let it be known that the citizens of this Commonwealth will not stand for creeping socialism. Tell your Public Utilities Commission that you expect a salutary display of greed from utility-company executives, not some welfare handout. It is not too late to stop this terrible miscarriage of capitalism. Under Commonwealth law, your voice counts! Together, we can shame our gas company into rescinding this rate decrease before it is too late.

——Sincerely, Kim Jong-Un, Bethel Park.


  1. Clay Potts says:

    Fortunately, there is still time to enroll these misguided comrades in the Pennsylvania Association of School Boards 2013 Summer Re-Education Camp, located in the Allegheny Mountains, high above the Village of Windfalls, boasting success rates always in excess of 5%.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I am wondering why the company even has to ask the PUC in order to lower the rates. Is this bureaucracy at work?

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