HAPPY CRAFTY TIME.

Hello, happy children! Did you miss your Aunt Lizzy? Well, I’m back, and once again it’s Happy Crafty Time!

Today we’re going to do something special. We’re going to make a birdhouse for all our little birdie friends. When we’re done, the little birdies will have a nicer house than your Aunt Lizzy has, not that that’s saying much.

Now, the first thing we need for a birdhouse is some wood. And we’re in luck! I’ll bet there’s wood all over your house. Like the table in your dining room, or the dresser in Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom—they’re probably made of wood! Just like this French provincial coffee table I found in the studio next door where they do the Morning View show. All you need is to get the wood out of them. And that’s why I brought this chainsaw. Can you say “Husqvarna”? I don’t even know if I’m pronouncing it right, but it sure does the job. All we have to do is [- – – – inaudible – – – -] and there we are—all the wood we need for our birdhouse!

Now the next step is to glue these pieces together so that they form a birdhouse. All you’ll need is some of that instant-stick super-glue. But you have to be careful with it. Otherwise you might end up accidentally gluing your little brother to his bicycle seat, and while that would be very funny, you might get in trouble if you’re stupid enough to get caught.

So here we are! Isn’t this a pretty birdhouse? This is one I bought down at the Metro Mart, because all the birdhouses I tried to make looked like a pile of lumber glued together by a five-year-old.

Well, that’s all we have time for today on Happy Crafty Time. And just remember, children, do your best in school, because you don’t want to end up in a job you despise where you can’t get out of your contract unless they fire you while you watch the people you grew up with land all the cool shows where they get to interview the mayor or dress up like a vampire and introduce scary movies or even cook stuff guys like to eat and you’re stuck in the same rut year after year until all you dream of at night is scissors and construction paper and you can’t get a date because people think you’re some kind of cross between a nun and a fluffy stuffed bunny. That’s all for now! Tomorrow, unless they fire me, I’m going to show you some really fun things you can do with just an ordinary gas stove. So till next time, have a happy crafty day!