Do you have an extra steam turbine taking up space in the basement? Installation artist Eli “Bonkers” Johnson needs it for a new work opening this fall, Autumn Leaves. No compensation can be offered, but a contingent of students from the Creative and Performing Arts High School will remove the object from your basement free of charge.

The Duck Hollow Museum of Art would like to remind patrons of the “no snickering” policy in the contemporary galleries on the second floor. Museum security guards will strictly enforce this policy, and are authorized to use force.

An investigation has determined that custodial staff were responsible for more than $350,000 worth of damage to Another Man’s Treasure, the work by Spanish artist Luis Goya y Hoya y Carambolla in the Mattress Factory that was reported vandalized yesterday. According to the curator, one of the staff explained, “When I see garbage on the floor, I sweep it up.” Staff are working with Mr. Goya y Hoya y Carambolla to restore the work to something close to its original condition. A call for grapefruit rinds, eggshells, and half-empty Chinese takeout containers has gone out to the community, with a gratifying response so far. Meanwhile, a press release from the Mattress Factory states that “philistines” on the custodial staff have been replaced.