A new initiative by the Marne Bottlers’ Association to produce an economically priced Champagne aimed at the American working class has run into a snag over trademark problems with the marketing slogan “The Beer of Champagnes.”

The Brenneman Food Service and Industrial Solvents Corp has reduced its quarterly dividend from 2¼¢ to 2¢ following the company’s admission that the health benefits of lard were “overstated” in a recent advertising campaign.

United Munitions & Timing Device stock rose 32% in rapid trading after the company’s announcement yesterday that the October 30 explosion of its Hazelwood plant would save nearly $35 million over the long term in salaries, pensions, and benefits.

BertelsmannDoubledayKnopf­Random­House­Ballantine­Corgi­Bantam­Schocken­Pantheon­Goldmann­Fawcett­DelRey­Anchor­Vintage­Sudamericana, the world’s only remaining book publisher, revised its earnings projections upward yesterday after it was revealed that an unnamed customer in a Walmart in Dubuque had bought a book.


  1. Gilbert Droll says:

    Marne Bottlers’ Association will however, move forward with the roll-out in time for the Holiday Season, of their much anticipated non-alcoholic malt beverage line aimed specifically towards the still vibrant “Tweener” market, under the brand name, “Hops-scotch”.

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