Naturopath (noun).—A psychopath who uses only organic poisons.


  1. Clay Potts says:

    Psychopaths can usually be found at the end of the less travelled fork of a Naturopath, if this makes any difference…

  2. Joseph Moore says:

    As my wife is fond of saying: “Arsenic is natural; hemlock is organic” – a distinction best kept always in mind by the scrupulous naturopath.

  3. Arsenic is usually mineral-derived, and thus not liable to be labeled “natural”, and whether hemlock can be labeled as “organic” depends on what methods are used to cultivate it and how current its grower’s license is with any of a number of non-governmental organizations that certify organic growers based mostly on whether or not their application-fee check bounced.

    If one is going by chemical rather than commercial labeling convention, then coniine, the main poisonous alkaloid found in Hemlock, is indeed organic, but calling the whole plant, or even its poisonous extracts, organic is entirely too broad a generalization.

  4. Captain DaFt says:

    Ah, but one can find arsenic sulphates (usually what is referred to as arsenic the poison) quite naturally occurring in certain rocks. Therefore it is ‘natural’, as it needs no chemicals added, and can be used as is, once ground to a powder.

    Hemlock, in order to be called ‘organic’ in the commercial sense, must be grown using no artificial fertilizers or pesticides. (You wouldn’t want to offend your guests by offering them pesticide laden hemlock tea, would you? How gauche!)

  5. Clay Potts says:

    Maybe its just me, but its kinda scary how many people know so much about arsenic and hemlock… :-)

  6. Captain DaFt says:

    Don’t worry, Mr. Potts. Well read people tend to know all kinds of interesting stuff.

    It doesn’t make us dangerous, just scary to the type that’s attracted to religion, politics and other positions where they would prefer that others know less than they do.

  7. Clay Potts says:

    On the contrary, I always prefer people who know more than I do (99.9% of the population), especially in areas of religion and politics. This is why I frequent Dr. Boli.

  8. Merely a side benefit of my studies into Philosophy. For one can no more study Socrates without learning something about Hemlock than one can study Nietzsche without learning something about Syphilis.

  9. Captain DaFt says:

    But Mr. Potts, I wasn’t referring to you.

    You underestimate yourself. We’re all fools, just some, like us, are always seeking wisdom, while others are content to remain ignorant, and try to insist that they control the keys to learning.

    My apologies if you thought I was referring to you.

    • Clay Potts says:

      No apologies necessary, I wasn’t offended, nor did I mean to offend; I was hoping the little smiley face after my comment would communicate that I was only giving a good natured rib-poking to my Dr. Boli buddies.

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