The Department of Homeland Security has issued an appeal to the public for information on the whereabouts of terrorist Bozar the Clown, who continues his rampage across the tri-state area. According to reports gathered from law-enforcement authorities in eight counties, in the last three days Mr. Bozar turned off three televisions in Mitzy’s Diner in Oakdale, left a box of rhyming dictionaries on the front stairs of St. Prisca Lutheran Church in West View just before the Saturday-night contemporary liturgy, installed egg-and-dart crown molding in several rooms of the IBM Building on the North Side, and placed a copy of the Dover edition of Vitruvius on the desk of every professor in the Carnegie-Mellon department of architecture. In light of Mr. Bozar’s ongoing activities, the national terror alert level has been upgraded from purple to puce.


  1. Does that mean that the
    Société des Bozars
    is a terrorist organization? Am I now on some sort of watchlist for visiting their blog?

    • Dr. Boli says:

      You are already on the terror alert list for reading this Magazine, so you probably have nothing more to worry about.

  2. David says:

    Dr. Boli once again nods. The university afflicted with Vitruvius became Carnegie-Mellon in 1967, but then removed the hyphen from its name in 1986. It is curious that a man so advanced in age as Dr. Boli should fix on such a brief period in relatively recent history. Are we to draw from this episode any lessons in geriatric cognition?

  3. John says:

    You know it’s serious when they skipped pumpkin and went right to puce, however, I’m not going to worry until at least olive drab.

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