The Department of Homeland Security has issued an appeal to the public for information on the whereabouts of terrorist Bozar the Clown, who continues his rampage across the tri-state area. According to reports gathered from law-enforcement authorities in eight counties, in the last three days Mr. Bozar turned off three televisions in Mitzy’s Diner in Oakdale, left a box of rhyming dictionaries on the front stairs of St. Prisca Lutheran Church in West View just before the Saturday-night contemporary liturgy, installed egg-and-dart crown molding in several rooms of the IBM Building on the North Side, and placed a copy of the Dover edition of Vitruvius on the desk of every professor in the Carnegie-Mellon department of architecture. In light of Mr. Bozar’s ongoing activities, the national terror alert level has been upgraded from purple to puce.