1. Try on a different pair of boots, and kick again.

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

  2. Thank you for calling the iLuminate help line. If you are calling about a problem with your vellum or leather binding and not your ink or quills, please contact your vellum manufacturer, as we are not able to provide customer support for someone else’s products. For help sharpening your quills, chant one. For help blending your inks, chant two. For help applying gold leaf, chant three. For all other queries, chant four and a scribe will be with you shortly.

  3. David says:

    Mr. Martin, of the tribe of the Mess: No options for Latin, Greek, or a vulgar language?

  4. Captain DaFt says:

    But David, those were not enlightened times. (Hence the name. ‘Dark Ages’.)

    One either used the proper Latin when discussing ecclesiastical and intellectual matters, or one found ones self atop a pyre for the masses amusement.

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