1. Boos always make me feel more depressed . . .

    Jeffery Hodges

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  2. My Frugal Wisconsinite medical plan ($20/mo for booze) easily covered my booze needs, but I just moved here to Pittsburgh and I’m finding that $20 barely takes care of a single dose, and no matter how articulately I ask for the establishment’s house brew the local yokels keep handing me this watery stuff called “yingling”.

    I’ve been looking around for booze assistance programs, but I can’t seem to figure out which borough I’m in at any moment.

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