INEVITABLE COROLLARIES OF CORPORATE PERSONHOOD.

If a corporation is a person, then…

It has the constitutional right to freedom of speech and religion.

It has the constitutional right to vote.

It has the common-law right to marry whom it chooses.

It must be counted in the apportionment of representatives to congress (which may make some difference in the size of the delegation from Delaware).

It can run for congress.

It is eligible for senior discounts if it is over the stated age.

It is entitled to welfare, but it must submit to degrading forms of supervision to claim it.

It has the constitutional right not to be held in involuntary servitude by the stockholders.

It can be declared legally insane and confined to an asylum.

It cannot buy alcoholic beverages unless it was founded on or before this date in 1993.

It can be arrested for loitering or vagrancy.

It can be arrested for indecent exposure.

It can be convicted of treason.