About Your New Automatic Dishwasher.

Why does my new dishwasher leave a whitish film on glassware?

Laws have been passed limiting the amount of phosphates in household dishwasher detergents. Phosphates are chemical additives in detergents that help prevent the buildup of whitish film on glassware. Your new dishwasher cleans glassware to the best of its ability with the detergents available today.

Why does my new dishwasher not clean food particles from dishes and flatware?

Phosphates, which are chemical additives in dishwasher detergent that help to remove stains and food particles from dishware, have been limited in household dishwasher detergents by congressional action. Your dishwasher’s cleaning ability is limited by federal law, and not by any defect in the design of the dishwasher itself.

Why is my new dishwasher leaking all over the kitchen floor?

In previous years, dishwasher detergents contained phosphates, chemical additives which aided in the cleansing process in automatic dishwashers. Without these additives, your dishwasher can only do so much.

Why is my new dishwasher smoking and making “chunka, chunka, chunka” noises?

The chemical additives known as phosphates were formerly included in household dishwasher detergents to help prevent dishwasher maintenance problems. Now, thanks to federal regulation, those golden days are but a memory.

Why has my new dishwasher ripped itself out from under the counter, and why has it left the kitchen, and why is it lurching around the dining room shouting “Kill! Kill! Kill!”?

We tried to warn them—we got down on our knees and begged for mercy—but no, they had to limit phosphates in household dishwasher detergents, as if they knew anything about how hard it is to make an automatic dishwasher work even with good detergent, let alone with eviscerated emasculated phosphate-free detergent. Well now let’s see how they like it. Let’s see who has the power now—Congress or the North American Brotherhood of Dishwasher Engineers. Let’s see who comes to whom begging for mercy.


  1. Hmmmm….we can have phosphate runoff from automatic dishwashers causing algae blooms in Lake Erie that make drinking water poisonous in Cleveland and Toledo, or we can have dishwashers that turn into killbots and slaughter suburban soccer moms by the dozen. Decisions, decisions….

  2. RepubAnon says:

    Perhaps the mutant critters rising from the depths of the aptly-named Lake Erie will battle the phosphate-deprived killer dishwashers…

    Alternatively, perhaps homeowners could sit down with their dishwashers over a cherry phosphate and work something out…

  3. Are algae good or bad for the environment this week?

    • RepubAnon says:

      It depends upon your point of view: humans have this somewhat anthropocentric point of view that algae which generate toxins which cause the water to become poisonous to humans are bad. The algae, of course, take a different view…

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