Habitués of cafés in the city know that the ingredients of a latte form a secret cryptographic means of communication. If you receive a drink different from the one you ordered, you may be sure that someone is trying to tell you something.

Caramel. Inertia.

Cinnamon. Thou wilt regret thine indifference.

Eggnog. I share your aversion to crickets.

Gingerbread. Ungenerous but to a certain extent desirable.

Hazelnut. I prefer architecture of the Corinthian order.

Pumpkin. Behold to what small dimensions a massive gourd may be reduced.

Mocha. Inner worth sustained by sugar and caffeine.

Peppermint. Period of changeable weather, followed by dry and cool.

Vanilla. I may tell you in confidence that I am one of the directors of the Nigerian State Bank in Lagos, and I have need of your assistance in a certain financial transaction.

White Chocolate. Insipidity.


  1. So what about soymilk and almondmilk?

  2. Or other coffee drinks, like cappuccino, which I believe means, “You oughta be off somewhere locked up in a cell.”

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

  3. Captain DaFt says:

    There really are only three kinds of coffee worth considering:

    Espresso – nectar of the Gods

    Just coffee – along with sodas, a necessary part of a complete diet to insure healthy levels of caffeine

    Flavored coffee mixes – Come in a variety of flavors, most are palatable, but, to paraphrase Douglas Adams, are almost, but not completely totally unlike coffee.

    I’m aware that there are many, indeed chains of them, shops that do passable imitations of flavored coffee mixes, using syrups and small charcoal nuggets that may have once been coffee beans, but as these are ludicrously over priced, may be safely ignored by rational, frugal persons in search of caffeine.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *