Pittsburgh (Special to the Dispatch).—At a press conference, the Rev. Bob-Bob Lee has attributed high winds headed for the Pittsburgh area tonight to divine wrath.
A wind storm, produced by a powerful cold front sweeping across the Middle West on its way to the Eastern Seaboard, has destroyed more than $37 worth of giant inflatable Christmas decorations, according to news reports. In his statement, the Rev. Bob-Bob explained that the high winds were divine retribution against the pagan symbols of Santa Claus, reindeer, Christmas trees, and quarterbacks (unless they wear black and gold).
A number of Nativity scenes have also been damaged by wind gusts in excess of 50 miles per hour, but the Rev. Bob-Bob attributed that damage to terrorists sent by President Obama in support of his pagan socialist Islamofascist agenda. “Raul Castro may also be involved,” Lee added.
The National Weather Service has issued a Wind Advisory weather product for Pittsburgh this evening, and has warned all pagan socialist Islamofascists in the area to take steps to protect their yard decorations.