THE TOP TEN NUMBERED LISTS YOU WON’T FIND ON FACEBOOK.

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Cecilia Esther Morris Clancy, Robert Morris’ second cousin twice removed (once from Philadelphia to York, and once from York to Scranton), photographed at the age of 137.

The list is numbered backwards, of course, thus building excruciating anticipation.

10. Twelve famous celebrities who eat their bagels with a knife and fork.

9. Thirty-six forgotten cousins of the Founding Fathers.

8. Thirteen everyday things that cannot be quantified.

7. Eight surprising things Beyoncé doesn’t know about the autonomous community of Extremadura in Spain.

6. The five most artistic left turns in the history of Breezewood.

5. Twenty-four really foul-tasting foods that can’t be improved at all by dipping in any kind of fondue.

4. Seventeen surprising books you didn’t think were thick enough to press flowers in.

3. The sixty-two dullest political memoirs of the Eisenhower era.

2. The ninety-five theses of Martin Luther.

1. The top ten numbered lists you won’t find on Facebook.