Mr. Donald Trump did not accuse all Frisians of being genetically inferior to rhesus monkeys, according to a statement from the Trump campaign. His remarks, as reported in the Dispatch, were taken out of context, and the Dispatch has been assured that in context they were courteous and complimentary to the great Frisian people who have contributed so much to our civilization. Furthermore, Mr. Trump did not threaten to disembowel the Dispatch reporter and dismember her entire family and feed them all to crocodiles. According to the Trump campaign, those remarks came not from Mr. Trump but from his lawyer, who meant them in the technical legal sense.


  1. Sean says:

    The recent actions of the Trump campaign: performing damage control after some particularly egregious comments, are disturbing. Damage control, which the campaign has not previously practiced, is the action of a serious candidate who means to stay in the race.

    And that should scare us all.

    • Dr. Boli says:

      As long as damage control involves threatening to sue people for half a billion dollars, and then carrying out the threats, we probably don’t need to worry too much.

      Hypothetically, however, if there were a Republican master strategy, it would be this. The Democrats in the past two presidential elections have succeeded in portraying the Republican candidates as too much in the thrall of the loony end of the party. Let Donald Trump spin wildly out of control for a few months a year before the election; then, even if the eventual nominee is a raving loon, he will seem refreshingly sane and moderate.

      If the strategy works, expect to see the Democrats imitating it in 2020 by dusting the lichens off Lyndon Larouche.

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