Vibration. All matter is energy, but not all energy matters. Matter is made up of particles like electrons, quarks, baking soda, and dust mites, all vibrating at a specific frequency. We are now awakening to the need to raise our vibrational frequency in order to function at an energetic level that only dogs can hear.

Vibrational Density. The speed of your vibration is called your vibrational density. The denser you are, the better you will understand these spiritual terms.

Energy is the blue glowy stuff usually added in post-production.

Higher Self. Your higher self is that part of you that is vibrating at a higher frequency. Have you ever done that thing where you breathe in some of the helium from a balloon and your voice gets all squeaky? That is because helium is a spiritual element that gives you direct access to your higher self.

Shadow Self. The shadow self is that part of your soul that is vibrating at a lower frequency. It sounds a bit like a foghorn.

Dimension.dimension is like a great big thing with stuff in it.

Multidimensional. Having more than one dimension. If you have only one dimension, it’s like your soul is living in a dorm room. Two dimensions are like a one-bedroom apartment, and so on, up to fifty-dimensional celestial mansions of the soul, which, you know, look great, but getting good help is a nightmare.

Soul. The soul is the part of you that responds to Jelly Roll Morton but not to Guy Lombardo.

Karma. Newton’s Third Law of Special Thermodynamics states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reactionKarma is the application of Newtonian principles in the ethical world, so that if you do something really, really mean, the Universe gets really, really mad and says, “Whoa, not cool, dude.”

Chakra. A Chakra is a center of energy in your body. You can use your chakras to recharge your batteries, so to speak, but not the regular alkaline kind, because they might blow up.

Awakening is the process of coming to understand that you need to pay $1200 for a weekend-long retreat to improve your vibrational density.