Sir: Do you remember how, when we were young, the world was full of love and laughter and brightness and irresponsible joy? Now we are old, and the world is full of pain and illness and bills and worry. From this observation, we can draw only one conclusion: the world is much worse now than it was when we were young. Somehow the world has lost its brightness and laughter and filled up with pain and darkness. Clearly the government is to blame.

So why are the seemingly dozens of presidential candidates infesting our country not talking about the one issue that affects everyone in their generation? Why has not a single candidate gone on the record unequivocally as in favor of joy and against pain? Why has not one stood up to say, “In my administration, there will be no arthritis, and tooth decay will be outlawed”? Where is the candidate who has the courage to promise an end to worry?

As a citizen, I expect my government to provide for my needs. Right now what I need is some cheering up. I demand a hearing from the current crop of presidential candidates. Which one of them will put on a clown suit and fall off a unicycle? Which one will give us a champagne-and-croquet party on his front lawn? Which one will make rainbows light up the sky while pink flower petals drift lazily to the ground? That is the candidate who will have my vote.

——Sincerely, Alain-Yves-Pierre Roulon de la Baguette, Windgap.