∗∗∗∗∗ You literally can’t do without one of these. Buy two, so that you won’t drop dead instantly if you lose one of them.

∗∗∗∗∗ The cats love it! They play all kinds of cute little tricks with it. Like just last week they conquered Moldova.

∗ I wish I could give it negative five stars. I spent good money on this, and my life is still the same bottomless pit of existential despair it always was.

∗∗∗∗∗ I bought 1,248 of these and used them to build a very serviceable garden shed.

∗∗∗∗∗ I think this must be a very good one because it was packaged in a box. I do not like it when I order one of these and it comes in a cheap plastic bag. This is good because it comes in a box.

∗∗∗ The polio vaccine saved countless millions of lives. The atomic bomb threatened us all with annihilation. This isn’t either that good or that bad, so, eh, three stars.

∗∗∗∗∗ Completely satisfied. Would buy again. Of course you must understand I enjoy these products ironically.


  1. Playing internet wargames can lead to weird moments. Like a few years ago when my sister and I were washing the dishes together after dinner, and I suddenly slapped my forehead and muttered aloud, “Crap, I forgot!”

    My sister paused in washing dishes and asked what I forgot to do.

    Returning to drying dishes, I sheepishly admitted that what I’d forgotten to do was invade Iceland. My alliance of nations in a game was ganging up on a smaller but powerful alliance and trying to wipe them out quickly with a simultaneous attack on all their holdings. We’d forgotten to send a small amphibious task group to Iceland.

    So now, whenever I am looking around before a family trip to check if we’ve forgotten something, my sister will always ask if I remembered to invade Iceland.

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