Hi, so this is, like, Conor, with Conor’s Critical, uh, well, I wanted to call this channel something alliterative, but the only thing I could come up with was “Crap,” and I promised my mom I wouldn’t use bad language. So Conor’s Critical Reviews. How’s that?
Today we’re going to be looking at one of my favorite cult movies of the past few years: God Versus the Zombies. Spoiler alert: the zombies are, like, totally outclassed. But you don’t watch one of these classics for the plot, right? I mean, you watch it for the atmosphere. So this movie is like totally soaked with atmosphere. I mean it’s got clouds and everything.
So it starts out and there are these zombies, and they’re like attacking New York, which is actually Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cause you can tell by the skyline, but anyway these zombies are attacking, and all the people are running away from them, and then God shows up and smites them, and all the zombies fall down.
So you think, Well, that’s the end of the movie. Cause, you know, when God kills you, you stay dead, right? But the problem with zombies is they’re already, like, dead. And God doesn’t know what to do with them, cause the point of smiting is that you like die when it happens, and these zombies are already dead. So God is like, what’s up with that? And the zombies are like, gluh gluh brains gluh, and God is like, I’ll smite them again, but they just get up again and they’re all like gluh gluh brains again. So then they—what? Mom, I told you, I’m doing a— But mom, it can wait till I— but— Heck. Guys, I have to take out the trash, so I’m like gonna post this now, and then I’ll do a God Versus the Zombies Part II. See you next time on Conor’s Critical Crap. Oh, heck. I mean Reviews.