Popular middlebrow band The Luxurious Socks have wrapped up recording on their pandemic-themed album, Learn to Be Nice. In addition to the title track, the new album will include “Twitter, My Only Friend,” “I Would Do Unto Others if I Could Find Any,” “I Like Canned Beans Now,” and the up-tempo end-of-pandemic anthem “Gazing at Her Navel (Instead of Mine).”

Rap-jazz fusion artist Felonious Thelonious was arrested for an unresolved F7 chord. He was released without charge on presenting proof that the chord would be resolved in his next album.

Miss Diana Smoulder, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy, has extended her fourth farewell tour for six more months. New stops on the tour include Meddybemps (Maine), Coosawhatchie (South Carolina), Cocked Hat (Delaware), and the parking lot of Herb’s Convenience Store and Beer Palace in Paw Paw (West Virginia). Tickets are already on sale for Miss Smoulder’s fifth farewell tour beginning next year.

British rock legend Sir Jeremy Freakout has announced a new charity initiative in support of the Potted Plant Liberation Front.

Teenie Sparkle, the host of the popular children’s program Sparkle Park, has signed a six-year contract with the Ahoskie Power Saw Manufacturing Company of Ahoskie, North Carolina, which hopes her influence will help promote the use of power saws among the underserved kindergarten and first-grade demographic.