Sir: This is all your fault. I have heard some blame the phase of the moon, but I do not believe it. Others have hinted that the Empress Irene was to blame, but a man must be singularly lacking in gallantry to make such an assertion. A few squirrely old scholars have told me that it all goes back to Alexander Pope, but their arguments were specious and unconvincing. The Republicans, of course, blame it on Heraclitus, and the Democrats on Anaxagoras, but to use such a catastrophe for political gain is beneath me. One or two orthodontists of my acquaintance have blamed U Thant, but they would, wouldn’t they? And of course the electricians blame Robert Mugabe, but I have it on good authority that he has an alibi. No, this is your fault and no one else’s, and under the circumstances I must regretfully cancel my subscription.

Sincerely, The Man Over There with His Left Shoe on His Head.


  1. The Shadow says:

    Who could question such an airtight argument? I demand my $0 back, with interest!

  2. Big Brother says:

    In the defense of certain others, if Empress Irene had gotten that plan for her to marry Charlemagne to work, NONE of this would have happened. (Gestures vaguely in the direction of all Western history since about 800 AD)

    But the shoe-wearing gentleman over there is right, it’s rather ungallant to suggest the Empress is SOLELY to blame for what happened after that. Her various advisors and the Carolingian Court must also shoulder their substantial portion of the blame.

    • DmL says:

      “must also shoulder their substantial portion of the blame.”

      Don’t you mean rather they should “foot their own bill”?

      I wasn’t aware we could cancel our subscriptions. Where does one enquire?

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