Sir: Isn’t it about time something was done about evil in the world? When we elected a new mayor, I fully expected that evil would be eliminated from the city at least, although an energetic mayor should be able to use his influence as the elected head of the largest municipality in the tri-state area to suppress evil in the suburbs as well. Yet just this morning I had to wait more than twenty seconds to get around a car that was double-parked on Smithfield Street in front of that café at the end of the bridge. If double-parking is not evil, then I do not recognize evil when I see it.

The mere fact that he has not technically taken office yet should not have been enough to discourage our mayor from tackling the evil problem. Again, a truly energetic mayor-elect should have been able to take the reins and rule by decree without waiting for a mere ceremony. If our new mayor were truly dedicated to the suppression of evil, there would be concentration camps for double-parkers by this point. People with loud stereos would be drawn and quartered, and the heads of speeders in school zones would be displayed on pikes in front of the Department of Public Education as a valuable lesson to young drivers. This is what a world without evil would look like to me.

Since, however, the mayor sees fit to sit on his hands and do nothing, at least until his so-called “inauguration,” my only option is to take active steps myself. I have accordingly decided to move to another city where the problem of evil is addressed with more resolution. I understand that Pyongyang takes a very proactive approach in preventing evil, and as an added incentive its metro system is famously well decorated. I shall be moving to Pyongyang, and if things go well there you will never hear from me again.

Corwald A. Blotch,
The Goodness League of Western Pennsylvania.