I write to protest a glaring omission in your publication. You have often taken note of the doings of the sincerely deluded, and the devious, the outrageous, and even the mad have not been absent from your pages. But chronic attention-seekers such as myself are hardly represented at all.

This omission is clearly deliberate, since I have given you every opportunity to take notice of me. When I climbed to the roof of your headquarters wearing a hoop skirt and a doorman's jacket, you pointedly ignored me. When I lay on the street in front of your De Soto, you drove around me. When I flew past in a biplane towing a banner that said HEY LOOK AT ME, you did not even glance out your window.

To ignore an entire subculture of your fellow human beings is unacceptable. Chronic attention-seekers are people, too. They deserve more than you have given them. I have therefore decided to hold my breath until I turn blue.
Sincerely, Randolph St. Hugh Birk President General Secretary Chairman CEO Honorary Generalissimo National Association of Attention-Seekers