Sir: I am incandescently furious. I thrive on outrage, and I have just been pushing the “Random article” button on Wikipedia for three hours to find things to be outraged about. I am angry that a student newspaper called the Daily Nexus prints once a week. “Daily” is in your name, people! I’m really peeved that Scotland no longer has a Minister for Enterprise and Lifelong Learning. What, I’m just supposed to stop learning after 2007? I’m mad as all get out that Thorbjörn Fälldin was prime minister of Sweden from 1976 to 1978, because I hate all diacritics, but especially diaereses. I am absolutely livid that there is a species of catfish called Rita rita, because those blasted ichthyologists stole the title of a song I wrote in seventh grade. I’m also furious that these fish have a single pair of mandibular barbels, an elongated Weberian apparatus firmly sutured to the basioccipital and the sensory canal on the posttemporal enclosed with bone, because I have no idea what any of that means, and people should speak English for Pete’s sake. I am trembling with rage that King Ssuna of Buganda attacked the king of Buzongola in 1856. I just learned that Elizabeth Leveson-Gower, Duchess of Sutherland, was involved in the Highland Clearances, and I want to punch her in the nose. I am just sick that there is a village in Cuba called Guatemala, which is obviously just a commie Castro plot to confuse us. I’m angry that the railway station in Trimbach is served by local trains only—what, you have to get to Bern that quickly, you self-centered Zurichers? Anyway, I forget what the point of this letter was supposed to be, but it’s my invariable policy to write a letter to the editor whenever I get mad, so here you go. —Sincerely, The Man Muttering to Himself While Riding the Red Line Car Back and Forth Between Castle Shannon and Allegheny.