The management of the Four Chord Music Festival has announced that this year’s festival will feature a performance by Miss Diana Smoulder, the ravishing heartthrob of the hurdy-gurdy. According to judges, all her submissions met the entrance requirements with three chords to spare.

The Earl’s Own Early Music Ensemble invites the public to a Sing Along with Palestrina concert at O’Brady’s Bar and Grill on Saturday at 8 p.m. Three-drink minimum.

Popular middlebrow band The Luxurious Socks have denied the rumors of a breakup, saying that the band simply needed some “apart time” and will be going to separate continuing-education classes to learn more about, like, psychology and stuff.

Rap-jazz fusion artist Felonious Thelonious will be guest-hosting Face the Nation this Sunday.

British rock legend Sir Jeremy Freakout has released his first single in five decades. Titled “Nothing Freaks Me Out Anymore,” the song consists of a rhythm track, a number of repeated cues from late-night public-affairs programming, and Sir Jeremy’s own distinctive snoring.