TO KING CHARLES III.

Our heartfelt condolences on your loss, and our sincere wishes for a prosperous reign. We must candidly remind you, however, that the British monarchy is the second-most-dangerous job in the world. In the past five millennia,(1) only two monarchs have come out of it alive, and one of those was chased out of the country. The only job with a higher fatality rate is the papacy.

Footnotes

Comments

  1. Charles Louis de Secondcat, Baron de La Brèed et de Montemeow says:

    “In the past five millennia, only two monarchs have come out of it alive”

    Yes, and only 4 U.S. presidents have been assassinated since the reign of Julius Caesar!

    Perhaps Dr. Boli proposes that the first monarch of the fair isle of Albion was crowned by Noah?

    • Dr. Boli says:

      We meant to say either “half-millennium” or “five centuries,” but now it is impossible to correct after the mistake has generated better comments than the article.

  2. The Shadow says:

    Hmm, I’m not so sure. Celestine V and Benedict XVI both resigned the Papacy within the last 750 years.

    • von Hindenburg says:

      The greatest tragedy of the Church is that Benedict didn’t take the title ‘Ante-Pope’ on his abdication.

    • The Blessed Bede says:

      But, there have been more popes than than English monarchs. Not only have we occasionally been offered popes by the handful, the papacy game had gone on for a thousand years before William I (if it don’t speak French, it aint a real monarch) trundled through Hastings, the papal turnover rate was pretty high those first three centuries.

      So UK=2/x while Papacy=2/x+y.

      CO POPES GO

      • Dr. Boli says:

        If, on the other hand, you take your British history from Geoffrey of Monmouth, then the British monarchy goes back to the grandson of Aeneas. It is a principle of European monarchy that all royal genealogies go back to the losing side in the Trojan War.

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