Dear Dr. Boli: I passed a billboard today that said I should “VOTE BIBLICAL PRINCIPALS.” What’s that supposed to mean? —Sincerely, Kurt F. Kusserow, Bishop, Southwestern Pennsylvania Synod, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.

Reverend Sir: It means that, if any of the main characters in the Bible are running in your district, you should definitely vote for them. For example, if Moses is running for governor, or Obadiah for city council, or Paul of Tarsus for registrar of deeds, then you know how to cast your ballot. Otherwise, you’ll just have to choose from the usual assortment of professional politicians and amateur fanatics.

Alternatively, it means that a spelling checker is not sufficient to protect you from embarrassing yourself along a major thoroughfare.


  1. Perhaps it means they should choose their legislators by taking them down to a riverside and seeing if they drink from cupped hands or slurp it directly from the river. Or they are encouraging voters to ambush their preferred candidates as they walk down the street, and dump oil on their heads to annoint them leader.

  2. von Hindenburg says:

    Dr. Boli’s friend Father Pitt might be interested in a conversation that I once had with Bishop Kusserow in which he lamented the inability of the ELCA to force the closure of congregations, as opposed to his Catholic colleagues. In the Lutheran church, a very small number of parishioners can keep a church open far past the point of viability, draining away the financial reserves and eventually handing a leaking, out-of-code, unsellable building over to the synod to pay the insurance and maintain the property into the indeterminate future.

    • Dr. Boli says:

      We understand that Presiding Bishop Eaton is also frustrated by the inconvenience of not being infallible in matters of faith and morals.

  3. Joseph Moore says:

    Re-elect Headmaster Jedidiah!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *