Sir: Isn’t it awful how oppressed people are oppressed? I think all the oppressors in the world should wake up, see the damage they’re causing, and stop oppressing people. But here’s my problem. I wanted to tell the oppressors exactly that, but I couldn’t find any oppressors. All I could find was a bunch of oppressed people. I talked to some people who sure looked like oppressors to me, but they assured me that they were actually the oppressed. The poor were oppressed by the rich, but the rich people I talked to were oppressed by poor people who wanted the government to take more taxes from them. The members of privileged majorities were oppressed by minorities demanding equal rights. Everywhere I looked, the powerless were oppressed by the powerful, but the powerful were also oppressed by the powerless somehow.

So I’m writing to tell you that I have discovered clear evidence of alien life forms on our planet. The proof is simple. Everyone agrees that a whole lot of oppressing is going on, but no human being is doing the oppressing. Therefore the culprits must be life forms beyond our knowledge and understanding. Or cats. I wouldn’t put anything past cats. —Sincerely, Barnsworth W. Kriegsrumtopf, Swisshelm Park.