Annual Christmas Number.

Christmas crackers.—Because Brexit removed Great Britain from the stifling grip of European Union bureaucratic regulations, traditional English Christmas crackers can once again be filled with real gunpowder.

Holly.—The ancient Teutons made a stew of holly leaves and berries and served it every evening during their Yuletide celebrations. This is why there are no more ancient Teutons.

Reindeer.—Behavioral scientists have discovered, after multiple experiments, that reindeer are actually very poor at flying, and that furthermore there are ethical standards for animal experimentation that nobody had told them about, and they’re awfully sorry about that.

St. Nicholas.—In medieval versions of the legend, St. Nicholas brought sacks of toys in a wagon pulled by eight impressed Arian heretics.