Sea levels are rising. Are you doing your part? Don’t listen to environmental extremists and nervous Nellies who worry you with fables of rising tides and massive costs for coastal cities. All we have to do is make sure every American has a bucket. Do you have the right bucket for the job? The Enviro-Tech Sea-Level Defense Pail is ready. With a five-gallon capacity and com-fortable wooden handle, the SLDP can scoop up five gallons of sea water, which you can then drive to Arizona and pour out where it’s desperately needed. If every American would do this one simple thing, we could all stop worrying. It would have no measurable effect on sea levels, but we would all have a distracting hobby.


  1. von Hindenburg says:

    Pittsburghers have a complicated relationship with climate change. On the one hand, it is a terrible global phenomenon that will negatively impact billions. On the hand, we get to sit on our mountains and watch Philadelphia slide into the sea…

  2. RepubAnon says:

    If we throw a lit match into the bucket, thus creating a homeopathic dilution of warming – will that solve the problem?

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