You may have noticed that artificial intelligence has reached its tentacles into the robot-scam-call business. We use the term “intelligence” rather loosely, of course. Still, there are robot callers designed to fool the unwary into thinking that they are speaking to a human being. And since the calls are being recorded, there is some chance that someone will listen to the recordings, possibly for technical reasons or possibly out of sheer boredom.

Now, you could complain about the constant interruptions, or you could decide that this is your chance to make the world a more entertaining place. If you are being recorded, after all, why should your conversation with the robot be dull and predictable? Dr. Boli has written out a few very short playlets for the dramatically inclined. He hopes his readers will take inspiration from them and compose their own dramas for the appreciative robot audience. Together we can turn our minor annoyances into performance art.

---

You. Hello.

Robot. This is Anna from the Senior Advisors. How are you doing today?

You. Thanks for calling, Anna. I need advice, but I’m only a sophomore.

(Long pause.)

Robot. Hello.

---

Robot. Hello?

You. Gheshz.

Robot. Hello?

You. Xhbasfuyr.

Robot. Can you hear me now?

---

Robot. Hello.

You. Hello.

Robot. This is Stacy from Senior Advisors. How are you today?

You. I have seen too deeply into the blank chaos of eternity to relish the temporary pleasures of mundane existence.

Robot. Great! The reason for the call is…

---

Robot. Hello.

You. Thank heaven you called! Listen, be careful what you say. I think we’re being recorded.

Robot. This is Elsie from Smart Alarms. How are you doing today?

You. I think it would be better if we spoke in code. Arches fall when Wendover smiles on the turkey.

Robot. Are you the homeowner?

---

Robot. Hello?

You. This is Emma from Senior Advisors. How are you today?

Robot. Can you hear me now?