La Récompense de Constance

The housekeeping staff like to try new things once in a while. It is usually harmless to indulge their whims. In the matter of soap, for example, the staff like to patronize local craftspeople who make soap by hand, and there is no reason not to do so as long as the soap performs its fundamental soapy functions in a satisfactory manner.

Yesterday a new soap appeared in the powder room under the grand staircase.

“Do you like it?” asked the downstairs housekeeper, a young fellow in his early eighties who always seems eager to please.

“It seems soapy enough,” we replied.

“It’s a new scent,” the housekeeper explained. “It’s called ‘Elf shoes.’ ”

A faint smile was all we could manage in reply to this information.

But afterwards, Dr. Boli did a bit of thinking. If young people these days like their soap to smell as if an elf has just removed his feet from it, then this suggests a number of other scents that might be equally appealing. Purely as a service to the fraternity of soap-crafters, Dr. Boli has compiled a list:

Pixie Toenails
Leprechaun Lint
Gnome Underwear
Unicorn Exhaust
Goblin Sweat
Fairy Cigar Butts (Cushlamochree!)
Troll Work Gloves
Sylph Hairnet


  1. Daniel says:

    Ach, sure it’s the “Harold and the Purple Crayon” Crockett Johnson! Cushlamochree indeed!

  2. Maypo says:

    Mistral Backfires
    Dwarf Belch
    Dragon Droppings
    Fairy Navel Fuzz

  3. GP says:

    There seems to be a misunderstanding here. The scent is meant to emulate *new* elf shoes, not used. Indeed, it is not hard to understand why one would want their hands to smell like that peculiarly alluring mixture of badger leather, rosin, and aged twine.

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