Eclipse insurance. Congratulations! You’re in the path of totality, or as near as makes no difference. You’re hosting a party. You’ve bought your eclipse goggles. You’re all set for this rare and spectacular astronomical event.
Then April 8 comes, and it’s cloudy.
Not to worry! You’ve got this covered, because you bought Eclipse Insurance. Just call us now and pay the surprisingly reasonable premium with any major credit card. Then, when the day of the great event comes and all you see is a moderate dimming of the uniform grey blanket of stratus clouds, we’ll be there with a big box of chocolate-chip cookies.

Mrs. Puccini’s Actuarial Bakery, Brighton Heights.


  1. KevinT says:

    Mrs. Puccini has gamed this well. Reading between the lines, I gather that there will be no payoff – dessert or otherwise – in the event of a cumulonimbus sky. Insurance is such a ripoff.

  2. Von Hindenburg says:

    I saw a headline earlier today saying that the Niagara area had declared a state of emergency. Flood?! Storm?! Terrorism?!


    Expected influx of visitors for the eclipse.

    My daughter’s school already has a Learn From Home day. I can’t decide between my innate curmudgeonliness and an appreciation of the need for schools to not be liable for a potential road hazard at dismissal time.

  3. We were planning on driving from Chicago down to Indiana to visit a relative on his farm and then drive a few additional miles to the path of totality for the eclipse that day, but my sister has an appointment to be in an MRI machine at the exact time of totality. So if she acquires mysterious superpowers due to a freak interaction of the eclipse and the high magnetic field of the MRI machine, don’t worry, she’s promised to be a superheroine and not a supervillainess.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *